It’s a habit formed from many years of formal schooling. I can still feel the effect of the thought of writing final exams. A sense of “oh no, I don’t know this stuff..yikes! gotta study.” This drives me into a frenzy of studying.
A challenge for me is to stay focus. Part of my head is now thinking about the stuff I will be doing after study — getting back to the software development space. Now I study and late into the night, I read about software development. Yesterday, I put a stop on software development stuff and just focus on the studying for my exams.
Another thing that I’ve been thinking about is my time here will come to an end. The wonderful people that I am grateful to have met, the relationships that have formed will come to an end in their current form. A sense of sadness is in me. We will no longer seeing each other in classes, no longer going on weekend trips, no longer doing KTV runs, no longer going to different eateries and etc.
The question is what will become after the end of the current form of relating? Will the new form be just as good as current? I don’t know for sure. What I know is that it’s the unknown that gives me the sense of grasping and loss.
I’m an optimist. What lies ahead, I believe, will be richer because of the experience gained and the value I put into the current relationship that I will carry forward. In essence, I believe life’s richness is in how we relate to each other and in how to appreciate its ever changing nature.